Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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