I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
