4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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