i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
