Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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