Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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