I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize