Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize