I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
