he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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