if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
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I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
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What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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