My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
