In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
