all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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