I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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