I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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