He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
