a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
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Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
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we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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