The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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