At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
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he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
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Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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