so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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