So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
