Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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