get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
