Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
