god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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