Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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