It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
