Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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