Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
