your parents love me but you hate me
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
