It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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