I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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