we have officially lost it.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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