Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
