just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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