My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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