So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize