You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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