Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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