Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
