So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
