I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
