In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
