Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
