help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
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And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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