shes about as inviting as chlamydia
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
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If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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