somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
