don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
