I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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