I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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