I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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