I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
