About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
you had me at cake vodka
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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