so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
