I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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