You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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