You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
