You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
