everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Naked Twister starts at high noon
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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