yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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