He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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