i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
my liver is dry heaving
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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