Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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