Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
