This is not my ceiling
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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