His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
