I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
