Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
