I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
