somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
